


A World Like the Keebler Elves (Part One: The Unexpected Guest)

by asgardiandrums



Series: Disappear Into Thin Air [1]
Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms, The Hobbit (2012), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: M/M, Maybe some angst, Reincarnation, cross over fic, im twisting every point you can think of, maybe some fluff, maybe some jealous sherlock, slight crack, this is going to be insane, this is insane, well ideas of some reincarnation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-28
Updated: 2013-05-22
Packaged: 2017-11-22 17:33:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 9,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/612417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asgardiandrums/pseuds/asgardiandrums
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock's still alive. John doesn't know. After seeing him cry at his grave, Sherlock has to leave London. He takes a walk in the forest, only to find Moriarty, and his tricks. After falling into a hole, Sherlock wakes up in the capable hands of Bilbo. Sherlock tags along for the adventure and the story takes off from there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Prelude

**Author's Note:**

> i started writing the mycroft, sherlock, texts before i saw the movie,as part of another Johnlock idea i had.
> 
> then i saw the Hobbit.
> 
> my ideas exploded after seeing it the first time
> 
> and tripled after the second.
> 
>  
> 
> when it comes to movies i have a pretty good memory so i dont think much should be out of place. if it is i apologize.
> 
> enjoy the ride :)

Can't stay here anymore - SH

Why? - MH

Saw John at the grave crying. I feel horrible. - SH

You knew the risks. - MH

I couldn't just let him die, Mycroft! - SH

I love him. - SH

Give it time, you can go back. - MH

Oh cut it! I heard you and Lestrade talking. Moriarty isn't dead. - SH

Little bastard. - SH

Just, stay in hiding. - MH

I can't! Don't you see? - SH

He'll never forgive me. - SH

You don't know that. - MH

If Moriarty finds out I'm still alive, John, Mrs. Huston, and Lestrade will die. - SH

We'll put them under protection. - MH

He said it himself. - SH

You and all the king's horses couldn't make him do a thing he didn't want. - SH

Sherlock. - MH

Don't worry about me. - SH

Tell John I love him. - SH

Sherlock slipped his phone into his pocket, and walked out the back door of his little cottage. After the fall yesterday, Mycroft had placed him in a safe house, outside the city. He pulled up his coat collar up. John’s words echoed in his head, “Turning your coat collar up to look cool.” Sherlock tried to turn the chemical defect in his head off and started down the little path that leads into the forest.

He'd been walking for a while. When he checked his phone, it read 4:30. He left at 3:30. It felt longer, but he shrugged it off, and kept walking. The forest was dark, almost like the haunted forest in “Snow White”, but it never bothered Sherlock. He heard a branch snap behind him, and turned to see what that something was lurking in the shadows.

"Show yourself!" Sherlock called out.

A dark figure stepped forward. The sun peeking through the trees shone down on a black, shinny shoe.

"Hello, Sherlock."

That voice. Sherlock knew it instantly. It would've been the last he heard, had he not called John. That twisted Irish accent.

"Fancy this huh? Last time you saw me, I had a gun in my hand,"

"And a hole in your head," Sherlock finished.

The figure stepped into the beam of sunlight. A Smug grin, that damn Westwood Suit, it was none other than Moriarty.

"Last I saw you," Moriarty began. "You were falling. Get your coat stuck?"

"Fell into a truck of pillows," Sherlock said, shrugging as though it were nothing.

"Ah! Clever!" Moriarty praised.

"Why are you here?" Sherlock glared at him.

"I owed you a fall, Sherlock," Moriarty stated. "You got out of it the first time, but now, you have two choices."

"Oh? Is that so?" Sherlock’s mind was spinning, trying to figure out how Moriarty has lived.

"You can either walk down this path here, and never be seen again," Moriarty said, waving toward the path. "Or you can go back to London, back to 221B, back to John."

"What's the catch?" Sherlock asked. There was always a catch with Moriarty.

"Wait, for the fall. It could be anyone of your 3 friends, or yourself, at any time. It depends on my mood." Moriarty grinned like the sick bastard he was.

Sherlock hesitated. He could go back to John! Although, it was a risk to both their lives.

"What's down this path?" Sherlock asked.

"Only way to know, is to find out," Moriarty said, stepping back from the path, to allow Sherlock to walk down it.

Sherlock walked over to the path. He looked at Moriarty, trying to gauge his chances of getting out of this. Then he looked back to the path, and stepped on foot onto it.  
Moriarty seemed to dissolve into thin air, as Sherlock looked back again.

Had he just imagined that?

He shrugged it off, and continued his venture down the mysterious path. Sherlock continued to walk until it had gotten dark out. The path seemed to stretch on forever, and Sherlock was starting to tire. He yawned and stretched his limbs, unconsciously taking a step forward, he stumbled and fell into a hole. His head hit a hard object and he blacked out.

 

~~~~~~~sherlocksherlocksherlocksherlocksherlocksherlocksherlock~~~~~~~~~~~

 

When he awoke, a familiar face was looking down upon him.

"Ah! Good morning!" The face said.

That voice! It sounded just like John! This mystery man looked just like John too!

 

"John?" Sherlock mumbled, sitting up, only to find the whole world spinning around him.

"Whoa, whoa, easy, easy," the John like man said, laying Sherlock back down.

"John where am I?" Sherlock asked, once the room stopped spinning.

The man's face crinkled up in confusion.

"John? I am no John. My name is Bilbo Baggins, of Bag End!" Bilbo exclaimed.

Sherlock wasn't amused. "John really, my head hurts enough as it is."

"I'm not John!" Bilbo insisted.

Sherlock was so confused. Here was this man who looked just like John!

Well...

Aside from the big, hairy feet, the lack of ugly jumpers, and the rather unique shortness, maybe he wasn't John after all.

But he had his hair, his eyes, and his voice.

"You're in The Shire, by the way. In the land of the Hobbits," Bilbo said, turning his back to get a wet rag.

"The what?"

"The Shire! Hobbiton to be exact. My humble home of Bag End!" Bilblo turned and bowed, placing the rag over Sherlock's forehead, relieving the headache a little.

Sherlock looked around the room. It had sylvan features. Almost as though, he had fallen into the world of the Keebler Elves. Only this was the Shire? Land of the Hobbits? In the town of Hobbiton? House of Bag End? His head hurt too much.

"Where are you from?" Bilbo asked. "You kind of just fell from the sky."

"Oh, London, England," Sherlock said, automatically.

"Never heard of a London, England, before," Bilbo said, his face scrunching up.

"Beautiful town. Can be quite boring at times. Not interesting then," Sherlock mused.

"I take it you don't like being bored?" Bilbo asked, giving Sherlock a small smile.

"No, it usually leads to me shooting walls," Sherlock trailed off. "What year is it?"

"Shooting? Year? It's middle earth," Bilbo was beyond confused at his new guest. Sherlock spoke in tongues Bilbo had never before heard.

Sherlock shot up, deducing the room, the way he does.

"Am I... Am I on the set of a movie, perhaps?" Sherlock asked.

"Movie set?" Bilbo asked, too many new words with foreign meanings.

'What the hell is wrong?!' Sherlock asked himself. 'Why can't I figure this out?!'

Then it hit him. Through all the pounding of his head, he remembered reading The Hobbit, and The Lord of the Rings books in school, as a child. The setting of The Hobbit matched exactly to what he was in now.

'So John was a hobbit in a past life?' Sherlock thought. 'Cute. Rather fitting, in all honesty.'

But there was something else. Something about this place, this room, this whole "Hobbit" idea. Even Bilbo himself, when he got past all the John feelings, something else had happened here in a past life. But Sherlock couldn't put his finger on it.


	2. Sherlock Knows Smaug

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock is having dinner with the Dwarfs and Bilbo, he vaguely knows Smaug. But the connection is deeper then from what he's read in the books.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so very flattered from all the comments from chapter one. I'm beyond excited for this and I'm so happy you all seem to like it :D
> 
> enjoy :D

Bilbo went outside to smoke his pipe, once he was sure Sherlock was alright. Sherlock lie in the small bed listening to the sounds of The Shire. He heard Bilbo talking to someone. Gandalf, he thinks is his name. They were arguing over the meaning of "Good Morning". Bilbo seemed like he had no time for this non-sense. Sherlock smiled. John never had time for things like that too.

Their conversation evolved into something about an adventure. Bilbo seemed more concerned with his posh life here in The Shire. Sherlock really shouldn't be eavesdropping, but honestly, what else did he have to do?

Sherlock must have missed something in his mental battle on whether or not he should continue listening, because the next thing he knew, Bilbo had shut the door and locked it. Sherlock heard some sort of scratching noise, and peered out of his window. He saw a wizard like fellow, Gandalf, he assumed, scratching something on Bilbo's door. It looked like a mark, or calling of some sort, but Sherlock had no clue. His head was still pounding, and had no strength to piece things together.

Bilbo reappeared a few minutes later, pipe in one hand, mail in the other.

"Can I get you anything?" Bilbo asked.

"Some answers," Sherlock stated.

Bilbo laughed, "I'm sorry. That's one thing I can't explain."

Sherlock sulked and settled back into the small bed, drifting off to sleep.

 

~~~~~~sherlocksherlocksherlocksherlocksherlock~~~~~~

 

Sherlock woke to the smell of cooking fish, and some other foods. He yawned and walked to the kitchen to see if dinner was ready.

"He wakes!" Bilbo said, smiling over the frying pan.

"I'm starving," Sherlock said.

"I would assume so, yes," Bilbo started. "You haven't eaten since you fell."

Sherlock flinched at his choice of words. Sure he most likely did fall into the world of The Hobbit, but he also fell off a hospital to save John. It was too soon. It still hurt.  
Bilbo didn't seem to notice the flinch, and kept on cooking. He plated up a meal for Sherlock and set it in front of him.

There was a knock at the door; it caught Bilbo off guard, and he didn't look happy about it.

Sherlock heard Bilbo open the door, and turned to see who was there. Someone with answers, hopefully. His dreams where crushed when he saw it was just a Dwarf? Yes a dwarf. The story line was coming back to Sherlock. 13 dwarfs and Gandalf would arrive tonight. Maybe he could ask Gandalf why he was here.

The dwarf, Dwalin, he thinks is his name, came in and looked around for some food. Bilbo shot Sherlock an apologetic look. Sherlock nodded in understanding. This night was going to be entertaining. That's for sure.

After Dwalin came, Balin?, then Kili and Fili. Sherlock remembered them. They were brothers, (so were Balin and Dwalin, come to think of it) and nephews of the king. By the time the rest of the dwarfs, and Gandalf arrived, Bilbo was steaming. Sherlock had to take a moment to laugh. Poor little Bilbo, was overrun by dwarfs, one was missing, however. Dawlin said he would be late. Sherlock couldn't remember who that last one was, but when he came in; Sherlock knew this dwarf was going to be trouble for him.  
After a short meal, and a song about the things Bilbo Baggins hates (all while cleaning all the dishes, mind you), there was a knock at the door.

“He’s here,” Gandalf whispered.

Gandalf opened the door for the King, Thorin.

Sherlock did not like Thorin, from the start.

For starters, the way he looked at Bilbo when he first came in, with those "elevator eyes", scanning him up and down, judging him. Sherlock knew he had no right to be jealous, but he was. I mean, the man was a spitting image of John! And just because this new dwarf was “The King under the Mountain” didn’t make him anymore unique then Sherlock, right?

Secondly, Sherlock felt somewhat superior to Thorin. As though he had conquered him in the past, or something of that nature. Sherlock knew he had to size his ego down around here, this wasn't London, Lestrade, or Mycroft couldn't help him out of any messes here.

When Thorin was done judging Bilbo, he walked over to Sherlock.

"And who are you?" he said. "You don't look like any human I've ever seen."

"Sherlock Holmes," Sherlock said, sticking out his hand for Thorin to shake it.

"Odd name, for someone of The Shire," he commented, already wary of Sherlock, and side stepping his handshake.

"He's not from around here," Bilbo piped up. "He sort of fell out of the sky."

Sherlock flinched again at falling, he needed to get over the fall.

"Huh," Thorin said. "Where are you from?"

"London, England," Sherlock said.

Thorin reminded him of an odd cross between Moriarty, and Mycroft. But not as deadly, and more toward the Mycroft side of things.

"Gandalf," Thorin began. "What do you make of Bilbo's guest?"

"He's a long way from his home, but closer then he knows," Gandalf said cryptically.

Sherlock gave him an odd look. Gandalf just stared at him, with almost a scared expression.

"Well, let's eat yes?" Thorin said, giving Sherlock one more glance over.

Bombur burped, breaking the tension, and everyone laughed.

Sherlock, and Bilbo let out twin breaths. Gandalf came over to them.

"You may not know it now, Mr. Holmes," he began. "But you'll remember this, soon enough."

And with that, he joined the group in the kitchen.

Bilbo turned to Sherlock, shaking his head. “Sometimes I wonder why these things happen to me,” and with that he followed Gandalf into the kitchen.

 

~~~~~~sherlocksherlocksherlocksherlocksherlock~~~~~~

 

During the second round of eating, now that Thorin joined them, they discussed why they were here.

It seems that they are on a quest to regain their homeland, from a dragon named Smaug. Smaug had destroyed the city, and taken hold up inside the mountain. The dwarfs lost all they’re gold as well, for dragons covet gold.

Sherlock felt like he knew that name, Smaug, outside of the book. As though it had deeper meaning. Like it was a part of his soul, tucked away in a dark corner of his past.  
Gandalf saw the recognition in his eyes. Sherlock would be very important to have on this journey. That was a given. If he could get Bilbo to join them, Sherlock would have to follow.

Sherlock excused himself from the "party" to go sort out his thoughts. He was still a little confused, but some of this was beginning to come back to him.  
Maybe John wasn't the only one whose past life was intertwined with The Shire, and the world of The Hobbit...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DUN DUN DUN!!!!
> 
> more to come!


	3. We're Going On an Adventure!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoa its late. my writers block broke at midnight when my friend asked me if i could write a smut scene for him in his fic and it broke my block! lol so enjoy :D
> 
> Mahalo to you all again for the feedback and support of this crazy idea of mine! i couldn't be more thankful!

Sherlock spent the rest of his night in his mind palace, trying to remember and figure out why Smaug is so important.

“You know, Sherlock. Think! Think and you can return to John!” a voice in his head said.

His thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Can I come in?" Bilbo asked.

“John?” Sherlock’s whispered, voice full of hope.

Oh, of course, voice like John's? Brought him right out of his trance, and it stunned him for a second as he remembered he wasn't in London.

"Yeah, yes, come in," Sherlock stammered, realizing his mistake.

"Are you alright?" Bilbo asked.

"Yeah I'm fine, just trying to sort through my thoughts and piece together this puzzle," Sherlock said, a dazed look in his eyes.

"Do you like riddles?" Bilbo asked.

"Not riddles. I like a good puzzle, a great game, or a clever mystery. Something to solve," Sherlock said, leaning back in his bed.

Bilbo nodded thoughtfully. "Seems like those guys out there could use you more, then they could use me."

Sherlock smiled, "Gandalf came to you for a reason, didn't he?"

Bilbo thought for a moment, "I guess he did. Maybe he sees potential in me I thought I never had."

Sherlock nodded, thinking again.

"Well, goodnight, Sherlock," Bilbo said, going to the door.

"Goodnight, Bilbo," Sherlock yawned.

 

~~~~~~sherlocksherlocksherlocksherlocksherlock~~~~~~

 

Sometime that night, the dwarfs had themselves a little sing along. Sherlock woke up with the haunting tune stuck in his head, and for the love of god, he couldn't get it unstuck! 

Also sometime that night, the dwarfs left the Hobbit hole, with Gandalf, but they left the paperwork.

Sherlock woke first; he padded to the pantry for something to eat. He saw the form lying on the table and picked it up. He read over it, thinking to himself that this sounded like fun, and Gandalf could help sort out his past. It would keep him from being bored at Bilbo's until Moriarty's little game brought him back to London. Even if it was Moriarty's game that brought him to The Shire.

“Yes! Convince Bilbo to go, seek out Smaug, Sherlock,” the voice in his head commanded again.

"Morning," Bilbo said, scaring Sherlock half to death.

"Jesus!" Sherlock jumped. "You're quiet for such big feet."

Bilbo laughed. He walked over to Sherlock and took the form out of his hands.

"What do you think?" Bilbo asked. "Should I go?"

Sherlock didn't even think, "Yes."

Bilbo gave him a funny glance. "You'd have to go too, you know."

"Oh, I know," Sherlock smiled. "I like a bit of adventure."

Bilbo took a few seconds to think about this. "That's settled then. Get dressed; we've got to catch up to the Company!" Bilbo exclaimed, signing the paper.

Sherlock got that excited 5 year old look on his face, and ran off to his room.

Bilbo shook his head, "What am I getting into?" he thought.

Once ready, the two of them tore out of the house, like their arses were on fire. They were jumping over fences and people along the way.

"Oi! Mr. Baggins!" One of the townsfolk asked. "Where are you and your friend off to?"

Bilbo smiled over at Sherlock, "We're going on an adventure!"

(*SIDE NOTE: that smile right there at the very end should mirror the smile Sherlock, and John exchange at the very end of A Study in Pink*)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it's so short, but it's past 12:30 am and i just hadda get something else out there.
> 
> more to come tomorrow, or sunday :D


	4. Jealous Sherlock is Jealous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i skipped a day you guys. i was so drained yesterday, and i forgot the plot. i woke up this morning and remembered it all so i wrote it all down xD
> 
> also forgive any misplacement of the dwarfs' names, i cant remember which dwarf did what, and their reactions, so i chose fittingly. It's fan FICTION, is it not? ;)
> 
> enjoy!
> 
> p.s. im glad you're all like it so far

They caught up to the company rather fast.

"Wait! Wait for us!" Bilbo called to the dwarfs and Gandalf.

The group halted, Bilbo ran over to Balin and gave him the forms.

After reading them over, Balin said, "Welcome aboard, Master Baggins."

Thorin rolled his eyes, "Someone get him a pony."

Bilbo was skeptical, "No, no it's ok, I can walk."

Thorin rolled his eye again, "You're riding, no excuses."

The next thing Bilbo knew, he was being lifted by Kili and Fili onto a pony.

"Oi!" Sherlock said. "What about me?"

The group turned to him, then to Thorin and Gandalf.

"Gandalf?" Thorin asked.

"It would be wise to take him. Sherlock is very good at mysteries, could help us with a thing or too," Gandalf spoke cryptically again.

'How did Gandalf know all this?' Sherlock wondered.

“Gandalf has the answers of what’s to come, and what your purpose is here,” Sherlock head voice said, once more adding its insight.

Thorin nodded, taking in Gandalf's words.

"Get him a pony too," Thorin said, looking Sherlock up and down. "He looks light enough."

Sherlock gave both Gandalf and Thorin "thank you" smiles, and easily mounted the small pony.

 

~~~~~~sherlocksherlocksherlocksherlock~~~~~~

 

That night, they made camp on a mountainous plateau.

As the dwarfs settled in, there was a wild noise, echoing throughout the mountains.

"Wha... what was that?" Bilbo asked.

He looked so scared, Sherlock just wanted to hold him close.

Kili's face lit up mischievously. "Orcs," he said. "Vicious creatures, they'll get ya before you know you're gotten."

Fili, sitting next to him, chuckled.

Bilbo looked like he was about to wet himself.

No one noticed Thorin's sudden mood change, except Sherlock, of course. The man notices everything.

Sherlock cleared his throat, and Balin spoke up.

"Laddies," he said. "Orcs are no joke. I know of one, brave, Dwarf prince,"

Balin trailed off as everyones gazed shifted to Thorin, who was looking out over the canyon below.

Balin told the tale of how Thorin cut the pale orcs' hand off, and everyone believed him to be dead.

Bilbo's eyes shimmered with admiration, Sherlock caught that too. Jealousy burned in the pit of his stomach, no matter how much he told himself to stop.

God he missed John.

Thorin turned around, dramatically, as Balin finished the tale. Almost on cue, a gust of wind blew Thorin's hair. Sherlock heard Bilbo's quiet gasp. It was a majestic sight.

It hurt Sherlock to his core. He missed John with every fiber of his being. He wouldn't get in the way of Bilbo's little crush on Thorin, however. He was not that type of person. He also still had John, whenever he got out of here.

He went to bed first, claiming he was still wiped out from falling into their world.

Bilbo knew something was up, tomorrow he would inquire about it.

Little to the knowledge of the company, the orcs they heard, were working for the pale orc, who never did die. They found the dwarfs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> O_O ORCS!!! run awaaaaaaaaay!
> 
> more to come "soon" 
> 
> xoxo


	5. So Tell Me About Your Friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year, you guys :)
> 
> Here's a little teaser chapter for you, then you can go off and party until its 2013 ;)

The next morning, Sherlock and Bilbo were the first ones awake.

"Morning," Sherlock said, sitting up, and stretching.

Bilbo nodded, "Morning," he said, rolling up his bedroll.

Sherlock looked around at all the sleeping dwarfs. They looked so peaceful and cute really. Even Gandalf, well, that's kind of creepy. He just looked peaceful, not cute.

"So, Sherlock," Bilbo began. "Remember when you first woke up, you called me John?"

Sherlock nodded, he was beginning to wonder when they were going to have this conversation.

"Why?" Bilbo asked, sitting down in front of Sherlock.

Sherlock sighed.

"You look like him, exactly like him," Sherlock said. "Aside from your 'Hobbitness', of course."

Bilbo suddenly understood, "Tell me about him."

Sherlock nodded, slowly.

"He, uh," he began. "He was probably the closest thing I had to a best friend. He was everything, to me, honestly. Before he came along, I was this machine, all I did was think, and solve, and experiment. Love was just a chemical defect in my brain. He changed that though; he made me feel, gave me a reason to live."

"You loved him," Bilbo said, understanding.

"I still do," Sherlock confessed.

"Did you leave him?" Bilbo asked.

Sherlock bit his lip, he'd never really cried in his life, but John, and the whole fall situation could bring tears to his dry tear ducts faster then any pain in the world. Bilbo saw this was hard for him, and took his one hand, giving it a light squeeze. 

"No," Sherlock sniffled. "I, uh, I had to protect him." He paused. "I had to make him think I was dead, in order to save his life."

Bilbo looked utterly sympathetic, and handed him the makeshift hanky bofur made him yesterday.

Sherlock accepted it, and blew his nose, letting those silent tears fall.

"I'm sorry," Sherlock whispered.

"It's ok," Bilbo said. "It seems like you've been through hell and back. I certainly can't imagine what I would do, if I were in your shoes. Your incredibly strong, Sherlock."

Sherlock looked up, and smiled. "Thank you."

Bilbo smiled, squeezing his hand again. "You're welcome. If you ever need to talk, I'll be here."

Sherlock dried his tears, and gave Bilbo his hanky back, smiling a bit. "I might take you up on that offer, one day."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DID THAT HURT? CAUSE I DIDN'T MEAN FOR IT TOO, BUT IT HURT ME WRITING IT!
> 
> *sobs*
> 
> i hope you enjoyed it though
> 
> :D
> 
> more to come very soon!


	6. Parasites As Big As Me Arm!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock joins the company in helping free Bilbo. Mayhem follows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a little something to make your day (and mine) a little better :) I literally go to school in 30 minutes and I DO NOT want to go back, so I cheered my self up by writing another chapter.
> 
> enjoy :)  
> (Hi! I edited this chapter the most in my revisiting of the story, so this is worth a re-read) :D

The day had brought rain. While the rest of the company seemed bothered and irritated by the rain, Sherlock was used to it. London was notoriously rainy, as well as the rest of the UK. The dwarfs begged Gandalf to change the weather. Gandalf only laughed and told them to find another wizard. That's when Sherlock learned about Radagast the Brown. Favoring animals over the company of people. Much like Sherlock.

But for now, Sherlock was happy to be setting up camp. Bilbo had gone to give Kili and Fili their dinner. So, Sherlock sat on a log, eating his dinner, listening to the stories of the dwarfs.

A few minutes after Bilbo had gone to give the brothers their dinner, the two Durin heirs came tearing back into camp.

"BILBO! He went, to go, get the, ponies back," Kili panted out of breath.

"Slow down lad," Bofur said. "Take a deep breath and tell us what happened."

Fili told the group what had happened as his brother caught his breath. 

'Trolls?' Sherlock thought. 'Only troll I know about is that stupid cartoon face on the Internet.’

Thorin stood, motioning the group to gather round. 

"Master Holmes," he began. "Do you know how to fight with a sword?"

Sherlock thought of the time the Persian man broke into 221B and Sherlock had to fight him, before John got back. That was during the case of “The Blind Banker”.

"Yes, quite well actually," Sherlock informed him, and was then promptly handed a sword.

"Ok, here's the plan," Thorin began. "We'll sneak up on the trolls' camp. When, or rather if, Bilbo's life is in danger, we come out of the brush and attack."

Everyone nodded in agreement. Sherlock had no idea what to expect with these trolls, so he went along with the plan. 

As the company crept up to the camp, Sherlock saw Bilbo trying to get one of the trolls knives. Sherlock elbowed Kili. Kili saw and motioned to Thorin. Thorin told everyone to lay low and be quiet.

The troll reached back for something to blow his nose with, and grabbed Bilbo. The company held its breath.

Then the troll sneezed on Bilbo, and the troll camp freaked out.

“Blimy! Look! It’s got arms and legs and everything!” the one troll shouted.

“What is it?” another inquired

“I don’t know, but I don’t like the way its wiggling!” the first yelled, dropping Bilbo.

A third troll asked, “What are you? An oversized squirrel?”

“I’m a burgler, hobbit!” Bilbo explained, realizing it was too late to fix his mistake.

“A burglar hobbit?” the first troll asked.

“Can we cook him?” the third troll asked.

“We can try!” the first said, sinisterly.

The second troll was clearly the troll of logic. “He wouldn’t be more than a mouthful! Not after he’s been skinned and boned!”

“Are there more burglar hobbits around these parts?” the third troll asked. “There might be enough for a pie!”

The three trolls lunged for Bilbo, but Bilbo was too quick. The second troll, however, caught Bilbo.

“Are there any more of you little fellas hiding back there?” he asked.

“Nope. No,” Bilbo said, squirming in the trolls grip.

“He’s lying!” the first troll said.

“No! No I’m not!” Bilbo insisted.

“Hold his toes over the fire!” the first troll ordered. “Make him squeal!”

At that time, Kili came tearing out of the brush, slashing at the first troll’s ankles.

“Drop him!” Kili commanded.

“You what?” the second troll said, scrunching his face at Kili.

“I said, drop him!” Kili ordered, swinging his sword.

The second troll growled, and tossed Bilbo at Kili. The company tore out of the brush screaming and yielding swords. They slashed, and cut at the trolls’ feet and ankles. As the dwarfs fought, Bilbo scrambled to free the ponies.

The dwarfs were still slicing, stabbing, and fighting their way to get the trolls down. Sherlock launched his sword at the knee cap of one of the trolls. It landed right on the joint.

The troll cried out and back handed the whole group surrounding Sherlock.

The second troll, reached and picked up Bilbo. Between the second troll, and the third, Bilbo was held, looking very scared.

“Lay down your arms!” the second troll ordered. “Or we’ll rip his off.”

The company sighed, tossing their weapons on the ground.

That's when they all found themselves in bags. Some of the company was on a spit, roasting over the fire. Bilbo, of course, knew he had to fix the situation he created. The trolls were arguing over how to cook the company, when Bilbo heard the one say something interesting.

"Wait!" Bilbo cried, springing to his feet. "You are making a terrible mistake.”

“You can’t reason with them! They’re half-wits!” Dori shouted, as he spun on the spit.

“I meant with the seasoning,” Bilbo corrected.

“What about it?” the second troll asked.

“Well, have you smelled them?” Bilbo asked, turning his nose up. “You’re going to need something stronger then sage before you plate this lot up.”

The company was offended, and voiced their opinion.

“Traitor!” Bombur shouted.

“What do you know about cooking them?” the third troll asked.

“The secret to cooking them is…” Bilbo trailed off, trying to think. “To… Skin them first!”

The company was outraged, and shouted.

“Tom, get me my knife,” the one troll said.

“What a load of rubbish!” Tom responded. “I’ve had plenty with their skins on! Tastes just fine.”

One of the trolls picked up Bombur, about to eat him raw.

“No! Not that one! He’s infected. He’s got worms, in his, tubes,” Bilbo explained. “In fact they all do! They’re invested with parasites. It’s terrible! I wouldn’t risk it, I really wouldn’t.”

“Did he say we have parasites?!” Balin asked.

“Yeah! He did! We don’t have parasites! You have parasites!” Kili shouted.

'Idiots!' Bilbo thought.

Sherlock and Thorin caught on. With and exchanged glance, both of them kicked the group on the group.

Kili and Balin froze. 

"I've got parasites the size of me arm!" Balin cried.

"Mine are the biggest parasites! I’ve got huge parasites." Kili shouted.

The rest of the company joined in with cries of parasite infestation. Bilbo saw the sun rising quickly.

'Come on Gandalf!' he thought.

Bilbo saw Gandalf a little while ago. He knew Gandalf would come back

Then Gandalf showed up, and the trolls where confused.

"Can we eat him too?" one asked.

Gandalf was having none of this, and called out, “THE DAWN SHALL TAKE YOU ALL!!” then split the rock he was standing in half.

The sunlight rained down on the trolls, turning them to stone.

'Well!' Sherlock thought. 'That was interesting.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my favorite scene in the entire movie is the parasite scene. and my favorite line is the one about them as big as his arm. I had to include it :)
> 
> more to come very soon, because class is dull, so I write xD


	7. Plot Twist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the title says it all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> straying from the movie a tad to spice things up. not much out of order tho.

After exploring the troll cave, and the distribution of the finest Elvish swords, the company had run into Radagast the Brown.

"Gandalf! Thank god I found you," he said, coddling a baby hedgehog. 

"What seems to be the problem?" Gandalf asked.

Sherlock perked up. Problem? Mystery? I can show off?

Radagast explained his current situation. The decay of the forest, the dying animals, the darkness and smell that has fallen over the forest.

Sherlock stepped in.

"Can I lend a hand?" he asked.

Radagast looked wary. Gandalf nodded, in permission.

Sherlock took the baby hedgehog, and examined him.

Cute little thing, if Sherlock had to be honest. It kind of made him think of…

"Can you show me some of this decay?" Sherlock asked of Radagast, shaking that thought.

Radagast pulled a mushroom out of his pocket and handed it over. Sherlock examined it. After taking a whiff of it, his face contorting, he gave it back.

"It seems that some unnatural force is killing your forest, for reasons I don't understand," Sherlock said simply.

"How can you be sure it's unnatural?" Radagast asked.

Sherlock explained that the decomposition rate was abnormal, even back in middle earth, things couldn't have decomposed much differently. Also the hedgehog, while seeming fine, had something hidden behind it's eyes, something dark.

"Amazing," Bilbo whispered.

Sherlock smiled.

Thorin looked wary. "How did... Gandalf is this some kind of witch craft?"

Gandalf shook his head. "No, no witchcraft. Mr. Holmes was born with natural genius. He can't help but observe and deduce. It's trained into his blood."

Sherlock looked at Thorin with a smug grin that said "Yeah that's right bitch I'm awesome".

Radagast took Gandalf aside to talk to him privately about this discovery.

"Well," Thorin began. "I'm not sure how you obtained these skills, Master Holmes, but it seems like we are very lucky to have you with us.” He was being sincere, and Sherlock sensed that.

Sherlock felt happy to be accepted by his new friends. It wasn’t often that people were happy to have him around. He guessed in this case, he wasn’t that much different than these dwarfs. He (currently) had no home to return to. Sherlock felt a certain kindness in his heart, something he rarely felt. He had a sinking suspicion that John aided in Sherlock’s kindness, somewhere along the way.

As they walked away, Sherlock tuned into Gandalf and Radagast's conversation.

"A necromancer?" Sherlock heard Gandalf ask.

'Yes, Necromancer," a darker voice within Sherlock's own mind whispered. 'You remember him, don't you Sherlock?'

'Who is he?!' Sherlock thought.

'Think, Sherlock, think,' The voice replied. 'He's apart of your past. Part of John’s past.’

"Sherlock?" Bilbo asked, waving a hand in front of Sherlock's face. "Are you alright?"

"Yes," Sherlock said, dazed. "I'm fine."

Sherlock excuse himself to go walk over to the nearest tree, and sucked himself into his mind palace.

Bilbo sighed and went to go help the company.

Gandalf turned around, with worried look aimed at Sherlock.

"Does he know?" Radagast asked.

"I fear he may be remembering too much, and figuring out what is really locked within this world," Gandalf said solemnly.

"What will happen to him?" Radagast asked.

"I have no idea," Gandalf sighed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dun, dun, duuuuun! 
> 
> >:D


	8. Moon Runes and the Question of Sherlock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> more plot twists!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok alot of things.  
> 1\. thank you thank you thank you to my friend, Bri, for helping me with all the lingo and names, because I'm beginning to forget alot of it *sobs*
> 
> 2\. I started to watch The Lord Of the rings last night and HOLY SHIT! Sherlock is a very very bad man.
> 
> 3\. I've also begun reading the hobbit, so pardon me if I mix the book with the movie.
> 
> enjoy :D

Sherlock's thoughts were interrupted by a noise, a horrible, horrible noise.

"Was that a wolf?” Bilbo asked. "Are there… are there wolves out here?”

"Wolves? No, that is not a wolf," Bofur said.

Behind Bofur and Bilbo, lurked a warg scout. As soon as Bofur finished his sentence, the warg pounced on the company, and Kili shot it with an arrow. It fell to the earth dead. 

Behind Thorin lurked another. Thorin spun around and sliced at it with his sword, until it stopped moving.

“Warg scouts,” Thorin confirmed. “That means an orc pack is not far behind.”

“Orcs?” Bilbo and Sherlock echoed.

“Who did you tell about your quest to Erebor, beyond your kin?” Gandalf demanded of Thorin.

“No one!” Thorin said.

“Who did you tell?!” Gandalf shouted.

“No one, I swear!” Thorin yelled back. “What in Durin’s name is going on?”

“We’re being hunted,” Gandalf said.

Sherlock and Bilbo exchanged looks of fear at Gandalf’s words.

“We have to get out,” Dwalin said, almost panicked.

“We can’t! We don’t have any ponies! They ran off.” Ori sobbed.

"Let me lead them off," Radagast said. "These are one of a Rhosgobel rabbits. I shall like to see them try to out run me."

And with that, Radagast took off, tearing out of the trees. The wargs and orcs quickly fell into the trap and followed Radagast. The company followed Gandalf, as he led them to safety. They hid behind rocks, Kili firing arrows to keep the scouts at bay. They were quickly being surrounded by the scouts, and all seemed hopeless. Gandalf found a tunneled out passage.

“This way you fools!” he said.

The company followed Gandalf into the tunnel.

The sound of horns filled the air, and elves showed up, riding on horseback. They fired at the orcs, stunning or killing them. This allowed the company to make it safely into the passage.

"I don't see where this passage leads. Should we take it?" Gloin said, looking down a passage.

"Onward," Gandalf commanded.

The company followed the pass. It had quick twists and turns, sharp rocks jutting out. 

Bombur almost got stuck at one point.

Finally, it ended at Rivendell. Kingdom of the elves. Sherlock and Bilbo were blown away by it's beauty. Thorin looked like he wanted to kill something. He didn't like the elves.  
"You, tricked me!" Thorin spat at Gandalf. 

"I did no such thing. We are all safe and the elves can help us, Thorin," Gandalf said sternly.

Thorin huffed and stormed away. The company remained silent, and followed their leader.

 

~~~sherlocksherlocksherlocksherlock~~~

 

"Welcome Thorin and Company!" Lindir welcomed them.

"Where is Elrond?" Gandalf inquired.

As if on queue, The elves had come back into Rivendell.

Panicking, the dwarfs drew their swords, as though they were under attack. The elves surrounded them, on their horses. 

"Ah! Gandalf!" Elrond greeted, hopping off his horse. "What brings you to Rivendell?"

"We need a place to stay and your help. Allow me to introduce Thorin Bagginshield, the leader. Then there's Kili, Fili, Ori, Dori, Nori, Balin, Dwalin, Bifur, Bofur, Bombur, Gloin, Oin, Bilbo Baggins, and Mr. Sherlock Holmes." Gandalf took a deep breath. Too many names.

"Sherlock Holmes?" Elrond asked. "Odd name for that of a human."

"He's uh, not from around here," Bilbo said, stepping in.

"I see," Elrond warily eyed Sherlock. "Well we can give you rooms for the night, if you wish, and we can give you a good meal."

Gandalf turned to the company and raised an eyebrow. The company turned in on themselves and discussed this.

“We will stay,” Thorin told him.

Gandalf turned back to Elrond and thanked him. Elrond led the company into the palace.

 

~~~sherlocksherlocksherlocksherlock~~~

 

"This map," Elrond began, holding it to the moonlight. "Was written with Moon Runes. You’re in luck tonight, however. The moon is right for reading it."

He took the map to the reading rock, Gandalf and Thorin in the tow. He translated it for them, telling them of a hidden door and a riddle.

"What does this mean?" Thorin asked.

"I do not know," Elrond said. "It's a mystery."

"Would Sherlock be able to help?" Thorin asked Gandalf.

"It's worth a shot," Gandalf said.

A few minutes later, Sherlock met with them. Elrond explained the mystery. Sherlock thought about it for a while.

"It's puzzling," Sherlock said. "Perhaps there is a door, which can only be opened at the right time, and in the right situation?"

Thorin nodded his head, thinking as well. 

"Yes that makes sense," he said. "My father had told me something of a door that only opened at the right moon."

"When will this moon be?" Elrond asked.

"The dwarfish new year, 3 days away," Sherlock said.

Everyone looked stunned.

"How?" was all Thorin could manage.

Sherlock shrugged. "I know a thing or two."

Sherlock merely remembered this scene in the book. But he wasn't about to tell them that.

"Well in that case we better head out first thing in the morning," Thorin said, turning to leave. "Good night all."

After Thorin left, Elrond and Gandalf turned to Sherlock. 

"How is it really that you know that?" Elrond asked.

"And where exactly did you come from?" Gandalf inquired.

"London, England, Gandalf. And I just simply put the pieces together, My Lord Elrond. I am a fast study, and I know of the dwarfish new year. I also happen to know it’s a big deal in their culture," Sherlock said, Sasslock in fully swing.

Both nodded. 

"Well, Gandalf and I have some business to attend to. Goodnight Master Holmes," Elrond said, leading Gandalf through a passage way.  
Sherlock looked at them with confusion. He would never understand why he was here. 

 

~~~sherlocksherlocksherlocksherlock~~~

 

"What do you mean, he's not from around here?" Saurmon asked.

"He just simply isn't from here," Gandalf said. "Bilbo says he fell from the sky onto his roof. I don't know what to make of it."

"Hmm..." Saurmon hummed thoughtfully. "And you say he recognizes the name 'Necromancer'?"

"It would seem so yes, he looked dazed upon hearing it," Gandalf told them.

"Perhaps, he is Sauron?" Elrond said. "In another form, of course."

"Nonsense!" Gandalf cried. "He has some morals and heart, where as Sauron had none."

"This is puzzling," Saurmon said.

"I don't believe he has the heart of evil," Gandalf said firmly.

"Then why is he here, Gandalf, and why does he know Necromancer!" Saurmon asked.

"I don't know yet," Gandalf mumbled. "Sherlock Holmes will not lead us to evil, and if he does then I have failed my job."

Saurmon shook is head and walked away. Elrond looked at Gandalf with pity. 

"I trust you Gandalf, I do, but I can't help but agree with Saurmon. Master Holmes knows too much, some of what he may or may not understand. Just, be careful, ok?" Elrond said.

"Alright. We shall be fine, though. Master Holmes doesn't even know why he's here. Everything will be ok."

Gandalf couldn't have been farther from the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dun dun DUUUUUN!!!


	9. The Dinner Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin can't take it. he had to leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my friend who's been helping me with this was like "Where's the dinner scene?! you gotta have the dinner scene!" so here's the dinner scene xD
> 
> enjoy

While Gandalf and Elrond where having their meeting, the dwarfs ate their dinner.

"It's all green?" Bombur whispered with disgust.

"Just try it," Bilbo urged, his own plate untouched.

"Aye! How about you take to your own advice halfling!" Bombur shot back.

Sherlock didn't see the issue. He loved it! It was just like the take away salad he would order.

"It's good, honestly," Sherlock told them.  
Everyone stopped talking and looked at him funny.

"Your really enjoying this?" Fili asked.

Bilbo groaned and rubbed his hand over his face. Sometimes he felt like the odd one out. Then Sherlock did something different and Bilbo felt like the mediator.

"Yeah," Sherlock said. "It's salad."

"Do they have any chips?" Ori asked.

"You're strange," Kili mused at Sherlock, shaking his head.

Fili slapped him on the back of the head.  
"Brother!" he growled.

"Sorry," Kili said, with puppy dog eyes.

"Sometimes I swear your a child. I'm sorry, Master Holmes," Fili said.

"Well I can't eat this. So when are we getting out of here," Dwalin asked.

"Soon, Master Dwalin," Thorin's voice came from the head of the table. 

"Aren't you supposed to be sleeping?" Kili asked, earning him another slap on the head from Fili.

"I'm here to plan. I can't sleep here," Thorin growled. "We need to leave soon."

So they plotted and planned. After "Dinner" they would leave. 

Dinner was only over until they were all done. So they gave it all to Sherlock, who gladly accepted. Sherlock hadn't been hungry like this since he was a teenager.

"Oh! I'm so full," Bombur said loudly.

"Aye! Who would've thought that leafy greens could fill you up like that!" Bofur said, rubbing his stomach.

Sherlock shook his head and laughed. They all made there way to the cliff, saying they were just going for a stroll. Once out of sight, they took off.


	10. Moriarty, On Crack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock and Bilbo meet Gollum/Smegol. Now who does this remind Sherlock of?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am so sorry this took so long. I had midterms at school, and i started writing a series of The Hobbit/Lord of the Rings crack plays with one of my best friends (i may post them). This is long over due so enjoy :D

It had been a long day. After getting out of Rivendell, the Dwarfs + Bilbo & Sherlock were caught in a Thunder Battle, while crossing the mountains. The group was scrambling toward a cave when the monster they were on, awoke. As it began to move, the group started to split up, right between Kili and Fili, something that should never happen. Bilbo was scared out of his mind. This whole thing made Sherlock as scared as Baskerville, but this was as real as day. As the battle wore on, The Monster's leg collasped, sending Bilbo, Sherlock, Fili, Bombur, Ori, Gloin, and Oin crashing into the mountain side. Thorin, Kili, Nori, Dori, Bofur, Bifur, Dwalin, and Balin were horrified, as they thought most of their company was just wiped out.

Thorin took off, toward the group that crashed. Kili was temporarily frozen at just the very thought of his brother dying.

"They're ok!" Thorin shouted, spotting Fili and Bombur.

Dwalin, Balin and Kili were running toward them in a heartbeat.

Dwalin found the cave entrance and walked in. After looking around, and deeming it safe, he told the company, and everyone ran in after him.

No fire was built, because Thorin thought it would be a danger hazard. For heat they all lay snuggled in close with each other. Sherlock clung to Bilbo like he was a teddy bear. Thorin had noticed this, and couldn’t help but feel a tad jealous. Then again, Thorin had no right. Even if he was a king, he couldn’t just claim people as his own. If Sherlock and Bilbo were involved, that was none of his business.

Just as Sherlock was about to drift off, he noticed an eerie blue glow coming from Bilbo's sword.

"Bilbo," Sherlock nudged him.

"Huh, wha?" Bilbo awoke sleepily.

Then he saw it.

"Thorin!" Bilbo called, unsheathing the sword to reveal its blue glow.

Throin's eyes were as huge as saucers.

"Everyone up! Now!" He yelled.

But it was too late. The sand began to fall through cracks in the floor, and soon the company was tumbling down a shaft and into a basket.

Before anyone had time to move, or think, Goblins were rushing toward them, pulling them up and ushering them down a wooden path.

Bilbo knew he could help by not getting captured, so he slunk down and waited for everyone to pass. Sherlock looked back and saw Bilbo, Sherlock's eyes full of begging for help.  
Bilbo went to follow the group, to rescue them, but a goblin came out of the shadows and attacked him. Bilbo fought back, but it was no use. Both Bilbo and the Goblin went tumbling down into the darkness.

 

~~~~~~SherlockSherlockSherlockSherlockSherlockSherlock~~~~~~

 

"Well, well, well!" The goblin king sang. "Dwarfs!"

Scanning his knew hostages, he noticed Sherlock.

"You there!" he said, pointing at Sherlock. "You're no dwarf, and certainly no man I've ever seen! What's your name, boy?"

"Sherlock Holmes," Sherlock said.

"Odd name for someone of Middle Earth," the king commented. "I have no time for your witchcraft."

With a dismissive wave, the goblins pushed Sherlock off the platform.

"Sherlock!" Thorin cried, stepping out from the crowd.

The kings face lit up. "Thorin Oakenshield. Well! I know someone who would pay a pretty price for your head. Just, your head."

Turning to his assistant on a swing, the Goblin king said, "Sent word to the pale orc, we have his little friend here."

With an evil laugh, the assistant swung away.

 

~~~~~~SherlockSherlockSherlockSherlockSherlockSherlock~~~~~~

 

Sherlock screamed as he fell to the ground. He landed in the same patch of mushrooms Bilbo had when he first fell.

A strange creature, Gollum, came up to him.

"Oo! More guestses. Can we eats it precious?" Gollum asked no one Sherlock could see.

"Sherlock," Bilbo let out in a breath of relief.

"Bagginses knows who this is precious. Sherlocks he says," Gollum walked up to Sherlock.

"What the bloody hell?" Sherlock asked, stepping away from the deformed person that was Gollum.

"Let's play a GAME!" Gollum said, his voice morphing into Moriarty's on the word game.

Sherlock's eyes filled with fear, he backed away further.

"No. No. Not here," Sherlock whispered, closing his eyes.

Bilbo looked at Sherlock with curiosity. What was haunting him?

Smeagol took over. "What does he mean, we're not here precious?"

"Sherlock, are you alright?" Bilbo asked, standing next to Sherlock.

Sherlock opened his eyes, seeing Smeagol was no longer Moriarty, he shook his head.

"Yes, I'm fine," Sherlock assured him.

Bilbo looked dubious, but he let it slide.

"A game of riddleses?" Smeagol asked.

"Never did like riddles," Sherlock mumbled.

"Well learn to," Gollum replied, voice once again changing into that of Moriarty's.

Sherlock nearly sobbed, and sunk to the floor.

Bilbo sat down next to Sherlock. "We’ve got to play along, or we'll never get out of here alive."

Sherlock looked over at Gollum as he sang a song about how to cook Bilbo and Sherlock.

This thing was like Moriarty, on crack. His personalities switched between angelic, and demonic within a matter of seconds. He was very much, Moriarty on crack, and Sherlock had never been more scared in his life.

"Guestses first," Smegol said, motioning toward Bilbo and Sherlock.

"You any good?" Bilbo asked.

Sherlock shook his head no. "John was the one that like riddles, I never was any good at coming up with them." 

“Voiceless it cries, wingless flutters, toothless bites, mouthless mutters,” Smeagol (bordering on Gollum) growled.

“Just a minute,” Bilbo said, seeing as it was his turn to answer. 

Looking out onto the cave’s lake, the wind was blowing. Bilbo smiled slightly, and looked at Sherlock for confirmation. Sherlock nodded.

“Wind,” Bilbo told Smeagol.

Smeagol growled, “Very clever, Hobbitses.”

Bilbo’s face lit up, "I got one."

"Well go on Bagginses," Gollum commanded.

"Thirty white horses on a red hill," Bilbo began. “First they champ, then they stamp, then they stand still.”

Teeth. Sherlock could guess riddles within seconds, but he couldn't dream any up. He lacked imagination.

Smeagol muttered to himself, thinking. "Teeth! TEEEEETH! Yes, my precious!” Smeagol laughed, falling to the floor.

Sherlock was scared of this creature. He was way too unstable.

Smeagol, or Gollum? Sherlock gave up trying to sort them out, shot back another riddle.

“What has roots that nobody sees, is taller than trees? Up, up, up it goes, and yet, never grows?” Smeagol asked.

"The mountain," Sherlock said, bored with the quality of that riddle.

"Oh! Let’s have another then, eh?" Smeagol asked.

“A box without hinges, key or lid. Yet golden treasure inside is hid,” Bilbo said.

‘Eggs. Bilbo needs harder riddles,’ Sherlock thought.

Smeagol’s face contorted, thinking. “EGGSES!!!” he shouted, once he arrived at the answer.

“We have one for you,” Gollum told the pair from his new hiding spot. “All things it devours, birds, beats, trees, flowers. Gnaws iron, bites steel, grind hard stones to meal.”  
Sherlock and Bilbo exchanged a glance. This one was much harder, and required team work.

“Answer us,” Smeagol commanded.

“Give us a moment, we gave you a good long while,” Bilbo said, panicked.

As the two discussed the possible answers, Gollum snuck up on Bilbo and almost wrapped his hands around his neck, when Bilbo jumped.  
“Let me think, let me think!” Bilbo shouted.

“They’re stuck. Bagginses and Sherlocks are stuck,” Gollum growled with a smile. “Time’s up.”

Sherlock and Bilbo looked up right away. Time. One would think, with the amount of Doctor Who John made Sherlock watch, Sherlock would have gotten that sooner.

“Time,” they both said.

Gollum growled, angry that he gave away the answer.

"Last question. Ask us, ask us!" Gollum said.

Bilbo thought, walking around the little cavern. Earlier on, when he first fell, Smeagol had dropped his ring. Bilbo, not knowing the power it held or what it was, picked it up and stuck it in his pocket.

"What, have I got, in my pocket?" Bilbo mused to himself.

Smeagol's face distorted. “That's no fair! It’s not fair! It’s against the rules! Now ask us another one!”

Bilbo, realizing now that he had said that out loud, rolled with it.

"No. No, no, no. You said, 'ask me a question'. Well, that is my question. What have I got in my pocket?" Bilbo held his sword out at Gollum.

"We get three chances,” Smeagol told them, growling. “Handes?”

"Wrong! Guess again," Bilbo held his hands up.

"Knife! Oh, shut up!" Smeagol and Gollum shot back.

“Wrong again, last guess,” Bilbo said, smirking at Sherlock.

Sherlock looked at him quizzically.

“String, or nothing!” Smeagol asked.

"Ah, two guesses at once, wrong all both times," Bilbo smiled, triumphantly.

Smeagol fell over, defeated.

"Sherlock, let's go," Bilbo whispered.

"What, has, it got, in, it's pocket?" Smeagol asked his reflection.

He turned as saw Bilbo and Sherlock fleeing the cave and took off after them.

 

~~~~~~SherlockSherlockSherlockSherlockSherlockSherlock~~~~~~

 

As Sherlock and Bilbo were busy entertaining Moriarty on crack, Gandalf came right in the nick of time to save the dwarfs (as always). They fought there way through the goblin hoards until they were stopped by the king.

“You think you can escape me?" he asked.

"Yes," Gandalf replied. He sliced the goblins stomach open and stabbed him.

"That'll do it," the king said, and fell.

His shift in weight caused the whole wooden structure to collapse, sending the dwarfs and Gandalf skidding down into the darkness.  
"Well, that wasn't too bad," Bofur said, as they all landed.

He spoke too soon. The goblin king fell on top of them.

"You've got to be joking!" Dwalin cried.

Kili looked up and saw all the goblins running toward them.

"Gandalf!" Kili called out.

"This way! Quickly! The sunlight will save us." Gandalf said, leading them out of the cave.

 

~~~~~~SherlockSherlockSherlockSherlockSherlockSherlock~~~~~~

 

“What did you have in your pocket?” Sherlock asked, as they ran out of the cave.

Bilbo smiled, holding out the ring. “His ring.”

Sherlock’s eyes grew wide, and his step faltered.

‘My ring!’ the darker voice in his head echoed.

“Sherlock, you ok? Let’s go!” Bilbo called.

“Yeah, yeah sorry,” Sherlock apologized, catching up.

“Why did that creature scare you at first?” Bilbo asked, pausing in a crack to catch his breath.

“He reminded me of the man who ruined my life,” Sherlock told him.

“The man you saved John from?” Bilbo asked, clarifying.

“Yes. The personality switch was too similar. That man…” Sherlock trailed off.

Gollum’s screams soon echoed close to the pair.

“Tell me more later,” Bilbo said. “Let’s go.”

And with that, they ran. Bilbo and Sherlock barely managed to escape Gollum. The company was running past Gollum's cave as Sherlock and Bilbo raced out.

Master Baggins!" Kili cried, with joy.

"Sherlock!" Gandalf said, with a sigh of relief.

"Glad to have you back, laddies," Bofur said, clapping them on the back.

Thorin looked at them, confused.

Gollum's anguished screams came from inside the cave.

"We need to leave," Bilbo said.

Gandalf quickly led them out.

"What was that?" Thorin asked.

"Gollum," Bilbo said.

"You were down there? With that thing?" Fili asked.

Bilbo shook his head, trying to catch his breath.

"Why was he screaming like that?" Ori asked.

Sherlock and Bilbo shared a glance.

"What does it matter?" Gandalf asked, catching on. "We are all safe now."

"It matters," Thorin asked. "Why are you two still even here?"

Sherlock shrugged, he honestly had no idea.

"I want to help," Sherlock offered.

"And," Bilbo added. "You lot don't have a home. The Shire, Bag End, my gardens, and my books, see that's where I belong. That’s home. Sherlock is just like the rest of you, trying to find his way back home. That's why he's here.I'm here to help both of you find your way back home, because you don't have one. It was taken from you."

Thorin look stunned, he certainly wasn't expecting that. He felt care and warmth flood through his body. He had it bad for Bilbo.

“Well, now that's settled," Gandalf began.

He was interrupted by the scream of orcs and the howl of wargs.

"Out of the frying pan..." Thorin began, turning to see this unfold.

"And into the fire," Gandalf said. "Everyone! Into the trees!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahh! im almost at the end of this "book". I may or may not write more as i continue to read the hobbit. I really want these based off the movie, so after the next two or so chapters, i'm done until December, but i will be doing John's side of Sherlock's disappearance in Star Trek based books (I'll write them after i see Star Trek in may)


	11. In Which Bilbo Saves Thorin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok first thing's first.
> 
> IF YOU HAVE NOT READ THE STORY RECENTLY GO RE-READ IT NOW! i revamped the whole thing! added more detail, made it match the 2nd story in this series, and it's just alot better then it was in the winter. please please please go read it.
> 
> other than that, i am SO sorry this took so long. from about late january to april i was in this funk that was like a solid "No Fandom" mood (it was something i never want to experience again, trust me).
> 
> So i owe it to myself and to you guys to finish the story.
> 
> Enjoy :)

The company scrambled for the trees. Each one swung up onto the low branches and climbed higher. A few were on the ground fighting off wargs. Bilbo was among them.

“They’re coming!” Fili cried.

Bilbo looked around and no one was on the ground, but orcs were flying toward him. Sherlock quickly pulled him up into his tree. Gandalf, in a neighboring tree, found a butterfly and whispered to it, sending it away.

The activity on the ground quieted. The company looked toward the small clearing which they came.

“Azog,” Thorin breathed.

“Do you smell it?” the orc, Azog, asked in his native tongue. “The scent of fear? I remember your father reeked of it, Thorin son of Thrain.”

Thorin looked scared, and angry. The whole company knew how much this orc had hurt Thorin.

“It cannot be,” Thorin whispered, his worst nightmare coming to life before his eyes.

“That one is mine,” Azog told his crew. “Kill the others!”

Azog’s pack was off like a shot, barking at the trees, causing them to fall into one another. The dwarfs hopped from tree to tree, trying to stay off the ground. 

“Drink their blood,” Azog commanded. 

They all ended up in the tree at the end of the cliff, Gandalf’s tree. Gandalf looked around frantically, looking for a tool to help them. He spotted pinecones and began to lite them on fire. He tossed them down to each member of the company. Soon they began launching the pinecones at the wargs, scaring them back. The forest around them also began to catch fire.

Azog roared in frustration. The company cheered with victory (temporary). Sherlock smiled down at Bilbo, and when the smile wasn’t returned, Sherlock knew something was wrong. The tree they were all in began falling back. Dori and Ori were hanging on only by Gandalf’s staff.

Thorin angrily looked up at Azog. Azog’s eyes dared him to come fight. So Thorin did. He got out of the tree and ran toward Azog with nothing but an oaken shield and sword. Azog was perched higher than Thorin, so when he leapt down, he knocked Thorin out. Bilbo’s jaw set, determined. He got up from the tree as Azog’s warg picked Thorin up, causing him more pain. Before an orc could cut Thorin’s head off, Bilbo leaped out and attacked. He stood in front of Thorin, protecting him.

The last thing Thorin saw before he passed out was Bilbo standing over him, and the company (including Sherlock) leaping out of the trees to fight the wargs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one more to go! D:D


	12. Eagles to the Rescue!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> last chapter! Sherlock approves of Bagginshield. (Spoliers: Gandalf knows all about John).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this story was a blast to write, and i can't wait for the next movie, so i can write the next Hobbit version of this story! :) thank you all so much for the comments and feedback on this.

While the King was passed out, the company sliced at the wargs and orcs. Before much damage could be done, however, a pack of Eagles picked them up, and took them off to a carrack. Thorin was in the clutches of eagles talons. Bilbo worried, looked down at Thorin, praying and hoping he was still alive.

The eagles dropped the company on a tall carrack. Thorin was the first to be laid down.

“Thorin!” Gandalf called, rushing to see if he was ok.

Seeing that Thorin wasn’t responsive, Gandalf said some sort of spell, and Thorin’s eyes opened.

“The Halfling?” Thorin asked.

“It’s all right. Bilbo is here. He’s quite safe,” Gandalf told him. 

A few dwarfs helped Thorin to his feet. Bilbo sighed, seeing that Thorin was ok. Sherlock thought it best to stay to the side for this one.

“You!” Thorin began.

Maybe Sherlock should’ve stayed to defend Bilbo…

“What were you doing? You nearly got yourself killed! Did I not say that you would be a burden?” Thorin asked, stepping toward Bilbo.

‘Nope. That’s it!’ Sherlock thought, stepping forward. 

Gandalf’s hand stopped Sherlock, blocking him from interrupting.

Thorin kept the insults coming, and Bilbo looked like he was about to cry. Sherlock tried to step forward again, but Gandalf, once again, stopped him.

“Let him finish, Mr. Holmes,” Gandalf whispered to Sherlock.

“I have never been so wrong in all my life,” Thorin confessed, hugging Bilbo tightly.

Bilbo looked shocked, but welcomed the hug. The company cheered, even Sherlock. Sherlock was happy that they both got over themselves, because honestly, it was getting ridiculous. 

Gandalf looked down at Sherlock. “You’re a good friend, Mr. Holmes. I don’t know many people that would allow ones true love’s look-a-like to fall for another.”

Sherlock’s head snapped around, and he looked at Gandalf with surprise and fear. Gandalf just gave him a wink, as he looked out onto the horizon.

 

~SherlockSherlockSherlockSherlockSherlock~

 

The bird the company had seen flying toward the mountain, tapped and tapped on the side of the mountain. The noise woke the dragon, Smaug, from his bed of gold.

‘Sherlock! I awake! Come find me.’ the voice inside Sherlock’s head said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (don't forget to read John's POV in the Star Trek/Sherlock crossover http://archiveofourown.org/works/628874)
> 
> aloha <3

**Author's Note:**

> i have so many ideas for this story its insane. much much much much more to come!!!
> 
> feedback is most appreciated :D


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